Is it a sign?

So more and more I begin to wonder where, or how, I piled up so much bad karma in life. Things with Drake are still horrible and getting worse. The more I try to build a wall against it....the more I break down. Maybe It's that he is familiar... maybe that I can't let our love we once had...die with the end to our relationship....i honestly can't figure it out. The moment i'm feeling "indestructible"...I fall straight back to hell. I have a week moment when I needed the old Drake the most and....and I go to him. Then I make everything worse again. For me. For him. And for Onika- the "friend" he slept with just as we were going to get back together with.
    Whenever I hang out with Onkia I get to listen to her, ALL DAY, complain about Drake. How he is such a flirt and does this or says that. How she love's and cares for him soooo much.... THAT I COULDN'T POSSIBLE UNDERSTAND. -which in return makes me wanna slap her and say "There was my 5 YEARS WORTH of "Not" understanding...-
Sometimes I sit in the bottom of my shower and wonder what happened to my life.... Of all the things that could have happened with the end of Drake and I's mine and Drakes relationship....why did it have to end up like this? Why do I always have "friends" that get with the one person I love? Onika, you ruined everything. not only a relationship that was gunna have another chance....but even the break up and trying to get over each other...yah, your ruining it all....thanks "friend".

Last night I sat in my shower for hours....crying in the middle of the night...so no one would here me... I've began to fall back into the darkness I once knew as a child....and Im scared....
I sat in there till i past out in the scorching water...watching the blood run down the drain...telling me "Your still alive.. Im sorry"...

Tonight I got off work at 11pm... I was drifting up to the stop sign to county rd. 9...I looked up and saw a falling star...straight down It went, till it disappeared. For a split second I thought "I know how you feel" Then I Stopped my Jeep...closed my eyes and made a wish. "I wish i could figure my lie out. get over Drake. And be with/find a guy like Riley" Then suddenly a green flash lit up across the sky... and the northern lights lite up from where the star disappeared and stretched across the night sky.... "I sure hope this is a sign...a sign that life is gunna pick up soon....i hope...please" Is all i could whisper to myself.

PLEASE LET THAT BE TRUE! LIFE NEEDS TO TURN AROUND